Dark Link's "Awakening"
by Rupee
Summary: ever wonder if Link ever had naughty thoughts in his life and what would happen if his extreme obsessions became reality? Well... let's just say Link wakes up one morning.


Dark Links "Awakening"

By: Rupee (aid with Isilme)

Disclaimer: No one in my little short humorous story derived from my head or any one relating to my head, If you think that I created this, then your thoughts are treason and blasphemy, because these are Nintendo based characters which I have no part. Which were created by Shigeru Myamoto (You know that Japanese guy that created Link and Zelda the video game)

*

Link woke up from his little wooden hard uncmfortable bed, "Dam, I wish I had those Serta matresses, they beat this old wooden piece of worm ridden…"

"Chirp Chirp Chirp," chirped the little bird. The little bird comforted itself on Link's window sill. Link glanced at the bird annoyed from his bed. He quickly drew his slingshot from under his pillow and quicly looked for ammo nervously, before the feeble bird coud escape. He then discovered his little pebble he left on his dresser next to him. He loaded it and shot the birds head. The bird fell back and fell on the ground. 

"Chirp, Chirp, Chirp my ass birdy, go make yourself useful or something." Link quickly realized that he killed the bird and he felt bad that he didn't kill it faster. For the little bird has been trying to snatch his ocarina for days.  Link finally stepped out of his bed and stretched, yawning at the ceiling. He looked at his raggedy clothing and finally labeled himself as a 3rd class individual with no future except save Zelda and get laid. "I've saved that bitch so many times I'm actually considering taking  Mario's job as a dumbass plumber,"mumbled Link, " In fact speaking about plumbers, I think I need to contact Mario." Link grabbed his ocarina and bagan playing the Mario Song. All of a sudden the music bagan magically playing a refrane then this light came out of the sky and mario magically appeared. 

"Wooo, I've only done that five hundred times and it's still cool to see that fatass come out of the light," Link whispered to himself. 

"Im having trouble Link, I'm having feeling for someone other than the princess and I don't…"

"Listen, Mario, You know how you have feelings for somebody else and you react like a good person and don't cheat on your mate except if they're really hot?" aksed Link.

"Yeah, I know what you're talking about." Link got tired of this conversation and Mario suffered the same fate as the little bird. Link peered through the window and saw the fatass plumber get sqashed on the grassy ground. Link smirked.

"Heh, I hope he fell on that dumbass bird."  Link angrily began thinking of the bird and his chirping again as he clenched his fists. "I hope that bird died a horrible horrible death." Soon Link became obssesed with the bird and began drewing pictures of it dying tragic deaths. Because of the local chickens, Link had many terrible trauma of birds attacking him, in fact he even had to undergo psychiatric help once. … It was all coming back to him now…

*

FLASHBACK

Link was walking through the woods all merrily because he just had finished killing the stupid ass rupee stealer that stole many of his hard earned rupees. He came across this chicken and and slashed it because it was acting all scared for no reason. All of a sudden a huge flock of chickens came out of nowhere squarcking like Zelda does during their little "runnins". They chirped and hurt Link until he died. Then this magical fairy came out of a bottle and healed him and years later his flashback was over…

*

Link had a bad past with birds. But he wanted to do something else other than think of those bad thoughts. He layed on his bed and accidentally fell back asleep then woke up again. It was now night time and time to go to bed, but Link had read many of those hero stories with rebels without a cause and decided to go out and make some trouble. He quicly climbed on the old tree he lived in and grabbed some spray paint he magically got from a code that dumbass kid who controls him put in. He spray painted Mido's house and it read 'Hoebag'. 

Mido woke up and saw Links troublesome deeds. He hopped out of bed and jumped out the window to try to grab Link but Link saw it and dodged it. Mido suffered the same fate as Mario and the little birdy. Link began baby talking,"AWWWW POO POO TING, DID MIDO WAKE UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF DA BED DIS MONING WEEERE DA WINDOW HAPPENED TO BE????" 

Link dragged Mido to where the bird and Mario were rotting and added him to the pile.  He finally realized that he had killed three entities and he had to flea fast. He packed the normal shit and left his little forest homeland. Trouble was on the way. 

Link journeyed to Kakariko village and met two villager kids making jokes, it was little Tommy and little Ted.

"Why did the turkey cross the road?" Tommy asked.

"I don't know Ted, why?" asked Tommy.

"It was the chickens day off.." They both laughed like maniacs,a ll having fun and all giddy. Link wanted to join in on the fun, so he cracked one of his jokes.

"Jesus walked into a hotel and handed the clerk three nails and said, can you hook me up for the night???"

Tommy………………….

Ted……………………… as Link laughed crazily at his own Joke. Link stopped laughing when he heard only the sound of silent crickets greet him. His expression turned sullen.

"Stupid kids." He muttered and walked off.

Suddenly…

*

Link woke up on his little wooden bed.

"Oh my," said Link merrily, "What a scary dream that was."

"Chirp Chirp Chirp." Link shot a look of death toward the bird…

*

I heard a rapping, tapping, snapping

On my window door

And there sat a stupid swallow

And it chirped "evermore"

Evermore? Asked I as I stared at the stupid crow

Alas! I said there yonder! Lo!

I heard a hissing, creaking, leaking 

On my window door

And there sat a sunshiny swallow

And it sang "forevermore"

And then I asked it what the hell in desired

But could such a bird yet be quagmired?

Chirping Chirping Chirping

All forevermore

In my mind forevermore

I heard a squealing, yelling, "suction"

On my window door

And there sat a fat ass plumber

Falling tragically to the floor

And then I yelled: Deplore!

And there died the fat ass plumber at my window door.

But on those cold and stormy nights

When the wind is hissing but with fright 

I walk alone in my little house

Where not a creature was stirring not even a mouse

Until there came that horrid croak

Of the birdy at my door

Chirp Chirp Chirp

And it went on forevermore.

And little Timmy said:

God bless us all each and everyone!

And then I thought

Bullshit… I'm saving Zelda again you two faced pun!

And now this story is just no fun!

*

AN: (from Isilme) that was twisted. Hail the King of twistedness…. Rupee. Reviews anyone?


End file.
